Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
