I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
soo... how was my night?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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