I wish I could teleport
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
