You're a womanizer and a bitch.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
