I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
