Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
