So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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