We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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