1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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