I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
