some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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