When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
