I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
