I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
