My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
COCAINE IS GR8
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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