Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
