bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
