just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
