i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
