so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
