Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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