but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
