I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
