bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
