What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
