Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
