1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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