Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
do herpes really smell.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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