From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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