Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
