I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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