How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
