I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
