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When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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