Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
