have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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