its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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