Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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