so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
