There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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