That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
