The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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