We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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