After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
