when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
