I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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