Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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