sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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