is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i've created a new STD.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
