i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
