You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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